Sometimes, I fucking sit here, and cry for hours, wishing I could just have the fucking strength and patience necessary to fucking kill myself. I hate living in this fucking house and dealing with these fucking people all the time. It drives me crazy to the point that I feel an overwhelming buildup of pressure in my chest, and it feels like my body is trying to choke me from the inside out, rather than the opposite way.
I want my fucking friends to leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anyone, and the people I do want to talk to don't have the time or patience necessary to talk to me, so I will just fucking sit here and wait until I become relevant enough. I don't want to fucking sit and laugh and pretend to be okay with the most skull-crushingly annoying people on the fucking planet, and I don't have the nerve left to just suck it up and deal with it, because you fucking assholes seriously get my blood boiling---every time you talk, every time I see you, and every time you are mentioned.
I wish I wasn't a fucking minor, because then I could get the fuck out of this house, and just pick up and move on. I have no fucking place to go so it's either I fucking sit at Occupy all night with no fucking tent to stay in because no one there knows or likes me, or I just fucking suck it up and home, each waking moment closer and closer to just plunging my knife into the nearest flesh I see.
I have nowhere to fucking go, but everywhere is fucking terrible. I wish it were summer, so I could sleep outside by myself, on the streets. Or that it were time for me to move. Or fuck, I wish ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ANYTHING would happen that would get me out of this pit of fucking evil that I call "home".
See before, it wasn't too fucking bad. But I literally have snapped and can handle no more. I'm tired of all these uninteresting awful people around me and I'm tired of having no one to go to or to turn to when I feel awful. I wish the people pretending would just stop, turn around, and leave me the fuck alone forever. I wish I had the courage necessary to go out and make something of myself, for myself, before I become nothing.
I need fucking job. NEED IT. I need it because if I don't get one by New Years, I WILL be living on the streets.
I wish I didn't think so badly all the time, but it's come to the point where I think of it all fucking day, every day. I have nowhere to go, no one to turn to, and unfortunately, the people that I care about don't have time for me or care about me. The people that I wish would just fucking disappear from my life have the annoying habit of just coming back, repeatedly. My parents have done nothing but hurt, slander, and put me down, and I literally cannot handle it anymore.
I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead. I wish I were dead.
